Drink
Sismondo's Gift Guide
By Christine Sismondo
There’s no gift quite like hard liquor.
It’s the gift that shows you took the time to think about what your friends and family really want for the holidays. It’s the gift that shows you really care for their future well-being. In short, it’s the gift that keeps on giving. At least until the bottle’s finished.
It’s an especially nice present to receive these days. I, for one am reluctant to cash in an entire year’s RRSPs just to get four or five bottles of booze. But I’ll certainly appreciate any liquor that comes my way, what with sun destinations firmly out of reach and my thermostat set low.
But which bottle specifically fits the bill for your loved one? Choosing the right one can seem overwhelming, even with the relatively meagre product selection at your average state-run liquor distribution centre for comrades.
Actually, it’s not as hard as it looks. You simply have to follow a few simple rules.
Rule #1: DISREGARD ALL ADVICE EXCEPT THAT WHICH YOU READ HERE
Look at your state-run outlet’s “Seasonal Gift Guide.” Make careful note of all of their suggestions. Then, with a few exceptions, strike all of these products from your list.
Sounds facetious, I know. But the products my local Vinmonopolet is recommending are largely bottles I wouldn’t force on my cats. To put this in terms wine lovers will understand, the official gift guide highly recommends a 3000ml bottle of Yellow Tail Shiraz ($74.95). No word of a lie. Don’t even get me started on the Dan Aykroyd gift-pack.
In terms of liquor, the guide suggests Absolut vodka ($26.95) housed in a very special disco ball bottle. The bottle I can live with. The vodka? Again, I refer you to my cats. In addition, the guide highlights Q gin ($27.95), which has managed to finish dead last in every Gin Smackdown (trademark pending) I’ve ever held. Then there are the products made for and designed by small children and adolescents, namely, Hypnotiq liqueur ($41.95), Limoncino ($47.85) and Starbuck’s liqueur ($33.75). If you plan on giving the gift of diabetic coma this year, by all means, follow their suggestions.
Rule #2: TRIED AND TRUE STAPLES ARE SO FOR VERY GOOD REASONS
To be fair, the guide isn’t all wrong. I stand by their choices of Bailey’s ($29.95) and Grand Marnier ($45.10) as solid fallback choices, especially for hosting gifts and people you don’t know terribly well. Most everybody appreciates these staples and will cheerfully use them as coffee sweeteners the very next day. After all, nothing beats morning drinking. There’s nothing in the stomach to slow down the alcohol’s progress to the bloodstream!
While trying to avoid treading on Malcolm Jolley’s grape-y territory too much here, I’ve never seen a bottle of champagne go unappreciated. Somebody gave me Veuve Cliquot ($74.95 with a handsome ice jacket!) lately, noting that it was “my size.” How right she was!
Dyed-in-the-wool wine snobs will try to steer you away from Veuve for its having become a large corporation whose grapes are rather dependent on chemicals. Let’s just say the wine is produced in a less than artisanal way. Despite that knowledge, I still enjoy it. And unless I win the lottery, I’ll never drink so much Veuve that I’ll be concerned about residual pesticides ruining my health. Would that were my problem!
However, if you’re interested in a special small-batch alternative, a case of Santhomas Spumante Brut Rose can be procured from Tre Amici Imports. It’s cheaper and one sip will once again prove that Italians (if they can be persuaded to export anything decent) are much, much better than the French at, well, pretty well everything.
Rule #3: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BLOW THE BANK TO SATISFY AND SURPRISE THE ADVENTUROUS DRINKER IN YOUR FAMILY
Speaking of Italians, we’re happy to see Fernet Branca back in stock at the local state liquor distribution outlet. It’s a unique liquor which, at $21.80, is well-suited for both the budget shopper in you and the adventurous drinker in your black sheep sister, prodigal brother with a wanderlust or bizarre uncle. It’s especially great for those with a sophisticated palate and a penchant for the bitter. Liking the taste of soil (we mean this in the best possible way) helps in acquiring a taste for Fernet, too. Terroir, indeed.
Not quite as interesting, but still a first-rate, out-of-the-ordinary choice is the French aperitif Lillet, a nice change for that crazy aunt who drinks vermouth on the rocks. It’s also a staple in classic cocktails, my favourite being the Corpse Reviver #2 (which consists of Lillet, lemon juice, gin, Cointreau and a drop of absinthe). It, too, is a morning drink, believe it or not.
Speaking of absinthe, save your dough unless you have access to Taboo from British Columbia. There are no other kinds. At least not in Canada. There are, of course, decent absinthes to be found in Europe and America (and Alberta, we’re sure) but for most of the rest of us, the only brand our betters will let us buy is Hill’s. At $84.95 a bottle, you’re much better off dripping paint thinner over a sugar cube, lighting it on fire and drinking that. Better for you, too. If some well-meaning sap has given you Hill’s “absinthe” for Christmas, save yourself the heartbreak and pour it straight down the sink. Of all the products monopoly liquor stores carry, this is, by far, the most embarrassing.
The upshot of the dearth of absinthe is that you have more money to spend on tequila. There’s not much I’d stoop to buy as a gift at our local outlet, but there are two notable exceptions. Los Arango tequila is a new arrival and, at $42.40, is more than a decent reposado. It comes from Guanajuato, an up and coming tequila-producing region outside of the more well-known Jalisco. For about the same price, Milagro Silver ($45.00) is a very good buy and still likely a novelty for the adventure-seeker in your family. If you really want to suck up, spring for the Milagro Anejo ($70.30)
Rule #4: FOR DEAR OLD MOM, SPEND THE EXTRA CASH
We all know mother likes her whisky. Not to mention her whiskey. And it’s really kind of déclassé to give her a bottle of Jim Beam. Times aren’t that bad, are they? Not just for women of high spirits, these suggestions can also work as gifts for the rare man on your list who has developed a palate for brown liquor.
Top of the splurge list is Crown Royal Cask 16 ($99.95). This is, hands down, the best Canadian whisky I’ve ever tried. It almost redefines Canadian whisky. I had the great privilege of tasting all levels of the new Crown Royal products with Master Distiller James McCartney in New Orleans a few months ago. It was pretty deadly right before we headed out onto Bourbon Street in the 109 degree weather (felt like 168 with the humidity) but it’s absolutely perfect for Christmas Eve up here in the tundra.
For $99.95, Cask 16 may seem like a big ticket item but, take our word for it, real whisky lovers will never forget you for this one. Plus, as an added bonus, it comes in a spiffy black velvet bag. (Time to replace that old, ratty purple one in which your crokinole chips have been residing since college).
Regarding bourbon, which was never well stocked in my province in the first place, I really don’t know what to tell you. It’s almost disappeared, but for an interesting recent addition: Corner Creek Reserve Bourbon ($46.95) from Bardstown, Kentucky. At 88 proof, it’s incredibly smooth and refined; gets the job done without being harsh. It’s a totally different style than most bourbons (indicated, in part, by it’s straw colour and odd burgundy bottle vessel) and, honestly, wouldn’t get a Pappy Van Winkle drinker to switch teams, but if mom likes a light colour, light body with a spicy, yet smooth flavour, this could be an interesting new treat.
Other than that, the only appropriate gift-y bourbon I can find here anymore is Woodford Reserve ($46.95). Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s actually a nice, unique, spicy choice. I was sipping some just last night.
For the Irish lovers, maybe give Greenore Single Grain Whiskey a shot. It’s smooth and sweet, comes in an attractive bottle and, at $63.95, is a relatively affordable way to introduce a Jameson die-hard to something entirely new.
There’s something kind of fun for scotch lovers out there, namely, the collection packs. Okay, it might not be adequate for a hard-core scotch connoisseur, but these boxes, each containing three small bottles of single malts (Coastal, Gentle and Strong), would be a fun way to introduce a single malt newbie to new tastes. All three are under $90.
My interest is piqued by the new Appleton Estate 21 Year Old Jamaican Rum. Appleton makes some very good mid-priced rums and so, I’d be curious to see what they’ve done with their premium offering. As I haven’t tried it, I can’t say whether or not it’s worth the nearly shocking price, $149.95. But if your shopping plan happens to include buying a gift for me, I am officially endorsing this as a good gift for yours truly. I’d like to try it.
Or you can just get me 1.75 litres of Bailey’s Irish Cream ($60.45). It won’t go to waste.
Cheers,
Christine Sismondo
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